Welcome to the velvet room. If you get that reference, you are awesome and should be proud of your knowledge of random, useless things. I'm pretty sure that you are here for the first time, since no one would return to read the crap I write, so at least I wanted to receive you warmly before creeping you off. Today I will be talking about two things that happen a lot in my life, but usually not together. To start I guess I should tell you how I sometimes scare the crap out of people just by passing near them. I don't think its about being dangerous or powerful, I just think of myself as an evil overlord and it shows in the way I move and act. Or maybe I just gross them out, but in the end it doesn't really matter what people think when they see me they just avoid me and move out of the way when I pass, which feels pretty good. With this in mind I want to tell you what happened today.
Today I went to the supermarket to buy ingredients for my culinary experiments. I call my cooking that because I see myself as a mad scientist not as a chef, even though it's usually not bad. I usually go to the supermarket early because the one I go to is near my old school and I'm not fond of the stink of hypocrisy I get when I meet with someone who went to the same school and they try to act friendly or speak to me of things that happened so many years ago no one should even care about them. The way I see it is: if I haven't tried to contact you in years it means you are not important to me, thus meeting you and being greeted by some fake smile or the horrible, horrible awkward hug is more of a punishment than anything enjoyable. In any case, I went today to the supermarket and I was early but for some reason there were more people than usual. Maybe someone died and there was one of those stupid daytime funerals or something equally illogical. I decided to buy my groceries anyway since I was already there and I didn't want to collect more hobo's blood to power my flamemobile again.
After getting a few things I decided to look at the meats and saw one of those huge packages of ground beef that had it's price reduced. It was 5 pounds of "meat" and it was reduced to 6 dollars. I know they do that when it's old as fuck, but having an empire to fund I cannot pass opportunities like that. In any case meat hardly ever last me more than a week so I wouldn't die from it getting spoiled. I was so happy when I saw it I began to laugh out loud, which is pretty strange because I usually laugh silently because I see myself as a ninja. However, in the middle of my laugh I noticed the presence of another human being looking at me so I turned violently, ready to fight for my evil empire and saw a little boy looking at me about to cry for a second before he ran away like he had seen the devil. My laugh is so evil I scared the crap out of a little boy. I must admit, it felt pretty good because in my mind I am an evil mad scientist overlord ninja, and scaring people is what an evil mad scientist overlord ninja should do. In fact, I felt so proud of myself I was still smiling when I reached the cashier which made her hesitate before greeting me.
So that's my random story of the day. How I laughed and scared a little boy, and because of that a cashier saw through my disguise of normality and sanity. But it made me happy, which is the only important thing.
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