how I have a faster internet but even less to do.

Yesterday I made honey bread to eat, because I was bored it tastes good. I managed to learn how to make soft bread by turning off the oven earlier, and made a mental list of things I have to do. Today is different, I'm bored out of my mind because I have nothing else to do, which means I start reliving my past of war, destruction and drama. It's quite entertaining, at least until you go hungry, which means it releases me of the chains of boredom but that's when you learn that being "talented" is bad for you. The last time I paid for something that I couldn't eat or wasn't a raw material to make something else was back when I had enough humanity to have a girlfriend I cared about. It's not because I'm cheap, although maybe I am who knows?, but because every time I go outside to a store or whatever, and I see some random crap it either falls on the "if I needed this I could make it" category or the "who would want this shit?" category.

I don't see myself as someone who knows everything, but for someone who was born without a fixed destiny the lack of having to do stuff allowed me to do a lot of random things. After doing something enough times you learn how to do it "better", which means you learn a talent, which can be later applied to something else. With enough of these, you end up being someone who make anything, since there are only a few changes between making things. Which then lead to the depths of boredom, and then to the inevitable state of not wanting to do anything. Of course, to avoid this I decided to upgrade my internet speed, which then lead to the awkward realization I don't have anything to do with the extra speed. Of course, I could download more crap, but we are in the lowest season of crap making: tv shows are between seasons, gaming companies are waiting to release games, movies are boring and my favorite pornstars are retiring.

Nothing to do except things I could do without thinking, which wouldn't relieve me of the feeling that my brain is rotting from the inside, while worms are crawling out my ears and eyes. The funny part is that I could probably do a lot of things, but I'm stuck on that weird phase in which I can't summon the willpower needed to try those things at all. Maybe I should do voluntary work, try to increase my work experience in case I have to end up slaving away my future for paper dyed green and printed with faces of dead people I should respect or something. Maybe tomorrow, for today I'm gonna lay here sighting until I get enough strength to make something I don't need with things I don't want.