Its been a while. I mostly wrote for fun, but lately I haven't had much fun at all. I think I fell off the balancing rope of sanity, and now I'm simply floating in despair, not really drowning, but still wet enough by it to notice that its everywhere. That's a shitty analogy, I know, but if I were a poet I wouldn't be writing a blog at all.
I am a disappointment for my parents, enough that all they could talk with me is how I should be doing something else to get what they think I need. For a few months I have been trying to get a job, any job, to the point I would happily clean shit from the restaurant of a mexican restaurant that is going out of business, but my brother has decided to send me emails of jobs that ask for specific requirements I don't fulfill, then telling my parents how he sent me the listing, which ends up with my parents telling me that I don't get a job because I don't try hard enough. Beyond the usual "you are too negative" and the common "you should try harder", today I was notified I was a disappointment in an unusual way. See, ever since my mother decided I was a genius and I should be a millionaire, she has been getting disappointed by my lack of desire and hopes for the future, and each an every time she has managed to express this with comments and passive-aggressive guilt trips that I have managed to ignore because I really believe shes wrong about a lot of things. After I moved out we don't communicate a lot, but lately all our conversations has been about how I am an useless son, in one way or another,
11/05/2014
how I went to court and it was boring.
So, I decided to take my asshole neighbors to court, because fuck old people who think they are better than others. and a judge heard us out. Well, when I say heard I mean got frustrated and wanted to send us all to screw ourselves. Court is boring, the judge heard us each once, so they got away with a lot of bullshit since they went second, then told us to get out. Nothing like the back and forth from the movies or phoenix wright games, you just go, tell some shit and then go away hoping you said enough to win the right to be left the fuck alone. Why is court so boring? Shouldn't we get entertainment from it? Since we are kinda wasting a day and all I don't think its such a big thing to ask for. Hell, I wonder what would've happened if we went to one of those tv courts where judges insult people for ratings. Maybe that's what I should've done, risk getting insulted on tv to gain the possibility of my neighbors getting insulted on tv, which is totally worthy of the risk. In any case I don't even get the emotion of knowing if I won or lost, since they will send the results over the mail (probably to stop people from screaming at the judge like assholes). Its hard living in a society where you have to wait to even know if you have the right to be left alone and in peace. I think that's the problem with so many humans living together, after a certain number you don't have the need of others, so they are mostly in the way. There's also the problem of not having a space you could reclaim for yourself away from others. Damn we need some billions of people dying, I don't even mind if I died too, but there are just too many humans in this world.
10/23/2014
How madness is the most important ability in society
When I was a little kid in the hellish paradise of a caribbean island, I made a friend that was very much like me. Some might call what I have intelligence, some might call it logic, but me and my friend knew what it really was: madness. She was cute and tiny, those around her adored her in a fake way, leeching from her cuteness and presence like ghost surrounding the living. In my case I was ugly, kinda fat, kinda hairy, but I have an awesome memory, which worked wonders for the mass testing bullshit others call "learning" so I was surrounded by those who wanted me to better their grades. So this story is kinda like the dark beauty and beast, and how human relations are based on. I didn't live in a castle far away from others (although I would love that now) and she wasn't that scared of me, but the truth is that the moment we met we could see we shared the same type of emotions for the world that surrounded us. In fact, a lot of the people that came to be my friends during my youth shared, up to a point, my view of society: its a filthy lie everyone tells themselves to ignore the truth.
Nowadays I don't have that many good friends left. Most of the people that used to share my ideals and interpretations adapted to the world around them, or as someone less cynical than me might call it: they "grew up". But, while most people would say that is a great thing to do, and they themselves expect of me to to the same, I have seen them all go from being happy, to being content, then depressed and then go into autopilot to the point where I'm not sure if they are still quite there. While growing up they came to the conclusion, each in their own way, that doing what they had to do was the correct thing, and as such they had to keep doing what others were doing, even if it consumed their very essence. The strange thing is that if I ask them if they are happy they either say that they aren't or feel judged by me, but if I ask them why don't they change most say that I'm immature or show that they are disappointed in me for not jumping in the bullshit wagon.
You might ask yourself "what happened to the cute and tiny girl?" Well, long story short we stopped talking for years, but a few years ago we began talking again and while she has "grown up" to a point, she sincerely and absolutely hates it. She doesn't even try to pass it as something life does, she harbors in her soul the eternal desire to tell the world to fuck itself every second of everyday, but that doesn't help her at all. In fact, it hinders her ability to adapt, not as much as my disdain for everything but still enough to cause her to identify the causes. However, this isn't good because the only worse thing that suffering is knowing you are suffering, which is why madness is the most important ability in society. Since
Nowadays I don't have that many good friends left. Most of the people that used to share my ideals and interpretations adapted to the world around them, or as someone less cynical than me might call it: they "grew up". But, while most people would say that is a great thing to do, and they themselves expect of me to to the same, I have seen them all go from being happy, to being content, then depressed and then go into autopilot to the point where I'm not sure if they are still quite there. While growing up they came to the conclusion, each in their own way, that doing what they had to do was the correct thing, and as such they had to keep doing what others were doing, even if it consumed their very essence. The strange thing is that if I ask them if they are happy they either say that they aren't or feel judged by me, but if I ask them why don't they change most say that I'm immature or show that they are disappointed in me for not jumping in the bullshit wagon.
You might ask yourself "what happened to the cute and tiny girl?" Well, long story short we stopped talking for years, but a few years ago we began talking again and while she has "grown up" to a point, she sincerely and absolutely hates it. She doesn't even try to pass it as something life does, she harbors in her soul the eternal desire to tell the world to fuck itself every second of everyday, but that doesn't help her at all. In fact, it hinders her ability to adapt, not as much as my disdain for everything but still enough to cause her to identify the causes. However, this isn't good because the only worse thing that suffering is knowing you are suffering, which is why madness is the most important ability in society. Since
How to become happy by being an asshole but thinking you are not.
Allow me to begin this post by giving you a warning: WARNING: I recognize that I'm writing this on the brink of despair. So instead of the usual insults and mocking of the human condition and what we call reasoning, I'm going to whine. I'm going to whine like a bitch because right now thats what I need the most. Now, I dont really care if someone wants to hear me whining, since I'm doing this for me in the most egoistical possible way. So go ahead and skip this one. It's not like I know something that you couldn't discover by yourself so don't worry, you aren't missing anything.
Now that that's over, I guess I should explain how I came to the brink of despair, since that's a good a point as any. It's not really because life is hard or some bullshit like that, but because my sleep pattern has been disrupted by anger. The type of anger that makes you wish to run away and join ISIS. Not because they are right, although they could be (how would I know if they are or aren't?), but because I really feel like I am losing my control of my "kill everybody" impulses, and little by little, slowly but surely, I have started to feel like I should simply let them free. See, my anger is a special kind of anger. While normally anger comes out of a sense of righteousness or some kind of disappointment, mine simply comes from the realization that good people don't exist. I've come to realize that what people believe and call right is backed in bullshit, and thus "good" becomes whatever the fuck you are and those who you hate aren't. Now, this realization doesn't give me anger by itself, I'm crazy but not that crazy, but instead is a nice little box in which a lot of things around me fit into, filling my little black box, that I call the "I hate people" box, which then drags me into anger, which when I try to control puts me in despair.
Lets take for example my neighborhood. It's a poor neighborhood so there is a lot of drug consumption and, of course, old people. Now, the thing about this shitty neighborhood is that between the old people and the drug addicts there is a huge split in which old people enjoy showing off their money and drug addicts enjoy not giving a fuck about their properties. Usually this doesn't concern me, since I'm not old but I'm not a drug addict either, but because I am neither I have come to see how both groups actually are in the same level of assholeness (woah, new word). The old people are the gossiping assholes, who judge the drug addicts, the other old people, the visitors, themselves and of course me, and the addicts are opportunistic, predatory beings that excuse their acts with the drugs after they are threatened.
I know this doesn't seem very equal, since both are annoying but only one could be considered dangerous, but the truth is that these acts can equally fucks someone's day, and both seems to allow them to feel their preferred kind of happiness. See, drug addicts cause, or at least try to cause, material damage, they try to enter properties, mug people, steal from stores, etc. and this things can certainly fuck up your day, for obvious reasons. But, while not as obvious, old people tend to end in property damage too, because their bullshit gossip and ideals, when shared, become like an open excuse for them to do whatever they want, without having to feel the guilt a rational being should feel when causing damage to others. In a way, the shit the old people say ends up becoming the drug that allows them to ignore the consequences of their acts, like the cocaine and heroin of the drug addicts. Without guilt one can really enjoy destroying the peace of others, and thus both old people and drug addicts are the same.
Now, since its not like I traveled the universe and met everyone this might seem like an exaggeration, but I really believe most people are like that, because I am like that too (although I recognize the guilt and effect of my acts to a point, I try not giving much of a fuck anyway), and a lot of people I know are like that. In fact, people I have known from many different countries are like that, be it with religion, science, ideology or by sheer ignorance, most people will simply fuck you over if they have the chance, then stop caring in like 10 minutes after they destroyed everything you let them. In fact, a lot of people will act like victims if you mention how they did something wrong, then act all hurt to make you seem like a bully. Now, you might ask "how does this drive you to anger, when its something you only have to ignore?" The answer to that is simple: I'm really really bad at ignoring bad stuff.
When I was little I caught a glimpse of these things, but in my young mind I simply accepted them like "things are what they are". As time passed, I began to recognize the hypocrisy of it all, the people saying "there are few of the good ones like us left" or criticizing people they dislike for stuff they had done themselves, but I simply accepted it because it was all I knew. See, the thing about teaching kids that something is right all their lives is that when they come to know something different, they are left unable to trust you again. Which is pretty bad if it happens when they are young, in the period between learning what they are taught and accepting it as absolute truth. I had the bad luck (or good, depending on the day) of catching a glimpse of someone different before I learned how to defend the ideals I was born and growing up into. The sad part is that it wasn't soon enough for me to accept that difference for myself, so I ended up kind of torn between the "I lie to myself because I'm an asshole but cant accept it" and the "I create a different path and don't have to lie to myself about what I am" paths, leaving me in what feels like the "I'm an asshole, but can't lie to myself about it" path, which is kinda crappy.
This is, I believe, the reason why I am always happy but never completely. See, I accept who I am, which gives me happiness, but because I see that its almost the same as everyone is, I don't feel special, which makes me less happy. I have tried to change, even tried to follow the path the different person I met took, but in the end it made me miserable so I concluded that my option was to simply hide, turn my back on people and rot by myself in the dark hole of my evilness. However, because people are assholes they took that as weakness. Instead of leaving me alone the old people began to gossip about me, then fuck with my property, then fuck with me, then used the fact that I told them to stop as more gossip to say how dangerous I was for their enjoyment, which gave them the excuse to keep messing with my property and acting like they were victims. The addicts saw the old vultures and thought I was weak, and began trying to harass me, which lead to my anger, which lead to more gossip and more addicts fucking around. See, people are assholes, and being assholes make them happy to the point where it only takes only one person trying not to be an asshole to make their year. The thing is, I also hid from that different person in the end because I could never be like her, and I'm quickly running out of reasons why I shouldn't be an asshole. Who knows, maybe my holding back wasn't even needed and this is just the asshole world telling me how much it misses me. On the bright side, the old people will get to be the victims they tell everyone they are, and the addicts will have another reason to get more drugs. I guess when you are normal, trying to be special is a mistake.
Now that that's over, I guess I should explain how I came to the brink of despair, since that's a good a point as any. It's not really because life is hard or some bullshit like that, but because my sleep pattern has been disrupted by anger. The type of anger that makes you wish to run away and join ISIS. Not because they are right, although they could be (how would I know if they are or aren't?), but because I really feel like I am losing my control of my "kill everybody" impulses, and little by little, slowly but surely, I have started to feel like I should simply let them free. See, my anger is a special kind of anger. While normally anger comes out of a sense of righteousness or some kind of disappointment, mine simply comes from the realization that good people don't exist. I've come to realize that what people believe and call right is backed in bullshit, and thus "good" becomes whatever the fuck you are and those who you hate aren't. Now, this realization doesn't give me anger by itself, I'm crazy but not that crazy, but instead is a nice little box in which a lot of things around me fit into, filling my little black box, that I call the "I hate people" box, which then drags me into anger, which when I try to control puts me in despair.
Lets take for example my neighborhood. It's a poor neighborhood so there is a lot of drug consumption and, of course, old people. Now, the thing about this shitty neighborhood is that between the old people and the drug addicts there is a huge split in which old people enjoy showing off their money and drug addicts enjoy not giving a fuck about their properties. Usually this doesn't concern me, since I'm not old but I'm not a drug addict either, but because I am neither I have come to see how both groups actually are in the same level of assholeness (woah, new word). The old people are the gossiping assholes, who judge the drug addicts, the other old people, the visitors, themselves and of course me, and the addicts are opportunistic, predatory beings that excuse their acts with the drugs after they are threatened.
I know this doesn't seem very equal, since both are annoying but only one could be considered dangerous, but the truth is that these acts can equally fucks someone's day, and both seems to allow them to feel their preferred kind of happiness. See, drug addicts cause, or at least try to cause, material damage, they try to enter properties, mug people, steal from stores, etc. and this things can certainly fuck up your day, for obvious reasons. But, while not as obvious, old people tend to end in property damage too, because their bullshit gossip and ideals, when shared, become like an open excuse for them to do whatever they want, without having to feel the guilt a rational being should feel when causing damage to others. In a way, the shit the old people say ends up becoming the drug that allows them to ignore the consequences of their acts, like the cocaine and heroin of the drug addicts. Without guilt one can really enjoy destroying the peace of others, and thus both old people and drug addicts are the same.
Now, since its not like I traveled the universe and met everyone this might seem like an exaggeration, but I really believe most people are like that, because I am like that too (although I recognize the guilt and effect of my acts to a point, I try not giving much of a fuck anyway), and a lot of people I know are like that. In fact, people I have known from many different countries are like that, be it with religion, science, ideology or by sheer ignorance, most people will simply fuck you over if they have the chance, then stop caring in like 10 minutes after they destroyed everything you let them. In fact, a lot of people will act like victims if you mention how they did something wrong, then act all hurt to make you seem like a bully. Now, you might ask "how does this drive you to anger, when its something you only have to ignore?" The answer to that is simple: I'm really really bad at ignoring bad stuff.
When I was little I caught a glimpse of these things, but in my young mind I simply accepted them like "things are what they are". As time passed, I began to recognize the hypocrisy of it all, the people saying "there are few of the good ones like us left" or criticizing people they dislike for stuff they had done themselves, but I simply accepted it because it was all I knew. See, the thing about teaching kids that something is right all their lives is that when they come to know something different, they are left unable to trust you again. Which is pretty bad if it happens when they are young, in the period between learning what they are taught and accepting it as absolute truth. I had the bad luck (or good, depending on the day) of catching a glimpse of someone different before I learned how to defend the ideals I was born and growing up into. The sad part is that it wasn't soon enough for me to accept that difference for myself, so I ended up kind of torn between the "I lie to myself because I'm an asshole but cant accept it" and the "I create a different path and don't have to lie to myself about what I am" paths, leaving me in what feels like the "I'm an asshole, but can't lie to myself about it" path, which is kinda crappy.
This is, I believe, the reason why I am always happy but never completely. See, I accept who I am, which gives me happiness, but because I see that its almost the same as everyone is, I don't feel special, which makes me less happy. I have tried to change, even tried to follow the path the different person I met took, but in the end it made me miserable so I concluded that my option was to simply hide, turn my back on people and rot by myself in the dark hole of my evilness. However, because people are assholes they took that as weakness. Instead of leaving me alone the old people began to gossip about me, then fuck with my property, then fuck with me, then used the fact that I told them to stop as more gossip to say how dangerous I was for their enjoyment, which gave them the excuse to keep messing with my property and acting like they were victims. The addicts saw the old vultures and thought I was weak, and began trying to harass me, which lead to my anger, which lead to more gossip and more addicts fucking around. See, people are assholes, and being assholes make them happy to the point where it only takes only one person trying not to be an asshole to make their year. The thing is, I also hid from that different person in the end because I could never be like her, and I'm quickly running out of reasons why I shouldn't be an asshole. Who knows, maybe my holding back wasn't even needed and this is just the asshole world telling me how much it misses me. On the bright side, the old people will get to be the victims they tell everyone they are, and the addicts will have another reason to get more drugs. I guess when you are normal, trying to be special is a mistake.
5/20/2014
How my first comment was spam and I laughed at it
I know you love my long posts but this one is pretty simple. I got my first comment earlier, I checked it, it was spam, I deleted it and laughed. Life goes on I guess. I have absolutely nothing to say beyond that. People are finishing classes or are done with them, so there is a nice scent of despair and shame in the air, although where I live is a haunted place for the old farts and the scum of the earth, even here you can see the idiots regretting their own stupidity. I guess there's despair everywhere if you look closely enough, which is kind of nice. That's all I have to say, now go and destroy your enemies, consume their flesh for energy and rape their loved ones. Or whatever :P.
4/22/2014
How everything is so fucked up its actually kind of funny.
I have known for a while that everyone is either a thief, a con artist, or a murderer. Its the base of my view of society, my little flavor on the "everyone will fuck you up if you let them" reality, which our parents never teach us but for some reason take pride when we learn it. In fact, everyone will say "being good is important" again and again, hoping that you become "good like them". In this piece of land some people dare to call country people tend to say "there are too many bad people and few of us good people" like they would somehow act differently if they ever found themselves in the same circumstances as the "bad" people. I don't know how, but people actually believe they are good. Most people ignore the damage and pain they cause on others, considering themselves to be better than those who hurt them using bullshit excuses and whatever logic they can come up with to avoid considering how shitty they really are.
The perfect example of this, because its so obvious it's crazy, is my piece of shit neighborhood. One of my neighbors is an evil bitch who screams her daughters almost daily, and not in a "I'm tired, leave me alone" kind of way. She treat her daughters like shit, to the point in which they had been taken before by the government. She also talks shit about everyone behind their backs, to the point where everyone has decided to ignore her all they can, because she will use whatever you tell her with others. This lovely skank decided to try that shit with me, probably because I don't tend to speak to anyone around here, so maybe she thought I was shy or whatever. That ended fast when I asked if she wanted to be cremated or buried randomly, to which she responded acting like a scared victim, but no one paid too much attention.
The other lot next to mine is a family of smug idiots, they act like they are better than everyone around and like they know more about everything. These idiots are the worst for me personally, they threw herbicide on my yard, trash over the fence, and detergents from their roof to my plants. Even now I'm just waiting for them to do some shit again, because whenever I tell them to stop doing anything that affect my yard, they act like I'm crazy for suggesting they are wrong. With these idiots I know I will end up in court, but for now they have calmed down because the sneaky fuckers steal their water, build without permit and break a lot of laws, which I lovingly pointed out to them. Of course, they acted like I was wrong and tried to lie, but fuck them.
Another family close to my house is a home of drug dealers. They sell drugs, send goons to scare the old people in the neighbor and they are your typical scum of the earth, including paying the cops every now and then for good measure. They don't affect me directly, but in general they are pieces of shit so they made the list.
The last one, because there are too many and I don't have the patience to mention them all, are the store owners, parents of the drug distributor that send the previous ones their "product". These old fuckers used their shitty store to launder the money of the drug trade of this shitty hole, but the funniest part is that they sold their product so expensive, the store went to hell. They still live over it though, so who knows if they are still laundering money.
The thing is, anyone reading this in any place of the world could say this same shit. We are all thieves, con artists and/or murderers. But the funny part is that all of these fuckers go to church, act like they are good, speak about how "evil" others are and then act like victims when someone is a better thief, con artist and or murderer. It's actually hilarious when someone enjoys acting like a saint excuses their crimes/evil with bullshit, and how they react when someone confronts them with it, but no matter how funny I find it, the truth is that people are really fucked up. I'm so happy I can live accepting how much of an asshole I am, I don't know if I could lie to myself and still be smart.
The perfect example of this, because its so obvious it's crazy, is my piece of shit neighborhood. One of my neighbors is an evil bitch who screams her daughters almost daily, and not in a "I'm tired, leave me alone" kind of way. She treat her daughters like shit, to the point in which they had been taken before by the government. She also talks shit about everyone behind their backs, to the point where everyone has decided to ignore her all they can, because she will use whatever you tell her with others. This lovely skank decided to try that shit with me, probably because I don't tend to speak to anyone around here, so maybe she thought I was shy or whatever. That ended fast when I asked if she wanted to be cremated or buried randomly, to which she responded acting like a scared victim, but no one paid too much attention.
The other lot next to mine is a family of smug idiots, they act like they are better than everyone around and like they know more about everything. These idiots are the worst for me personally, they threw herbicide on my yard, trash over the fence, and detergents from their roof to my plants. Even now I'm just waiting for them to do some shit again, because whenever I tell them to stop doing anything that affect my yard, they act like I'm crazy for suggesting they are wrong. With these idiots I know I will end up in court, but for now they have calmed down because the sneaky fuckers steal their water, build without permit and break a lot of laws, which I lovingly pointed out to them. Of course, they acted like I was wrong and tried to lie, but fuck them.
Another family close to my house is a home of drug dealers. They sell drugs, send goons to scare the old people in the neighbor and they are your typical scum of the earth, including paying the cops every now and then for good measure. They don't affect me directly, but in general they are pieces of shit so they made the list.
The last one, because there are too many and I don't have the patience to mention them all, are the store owners, parents of the drug distributor that send the previous ones their "product". These old fuckers used their shitty store to launder the money of the drug trade of this shitty hole, but the funniest part is that they sold their product so expensive, the store went to hell. They still live over it though, so who knows if they are still laundering money.
The thing is, anyone reading this in any place of the world could say this same shit. We are all thieves, con artists and/or murderers. But the funny part is that all of these fuckers go to church, act like they are good, speak about how "evil" others are and then act like victims when someone is a better thief, con artist and or murderer. It's actually hilarious when someone enjoys acting like a saint excuses their crimes/evil with bullshit, and how they react when someone confronts them with it, but no matter how funny I find it, the truth is that people are really fucked up. I'm so happy I can live accepting how much of an asshole I am, I don't know if I could lie to myself and still be smart.
4/18/2014
How boredom will kill me one day
Hello again my sworn unknowns, this post is a special one, while most of the time I try to make these about some specific theme, lately I haven't had a lot to do so I'm hoping to have fun while writing whatever comes to mind. I guess I would recommend you to avoid reading this as always, but if you have read the others I guess you know what to hope from this one. I guess that's it, the introduction of the nothingness to come, of the emptiness that will follow, of the void that from now on is.
Today I made another pizza, this time in a pizza mold, and let me tell you that it was way easier, but after I ate it I had nothing else to do. Boredom came and with all the special kicks in the mouth that always come with in the form of memories of the past. If for some reason you are reading this without knowing anything about me I guess I should tell you, I'm an asshole. I treat people like shit because I have realized 99% of humanity deserve it. Pride and vanity made them step on others to boost themselves in the eyes of people who do the same, all in a futile attempt to ignore the reality of of our worthlessness. But that also means that I can also be an asshole to people who don't deserve it, the special 1% of people who are just trying to get by without lying to themselves about how good they are after fucking people over. It's those moments that kind of torment my memory, hiding in the darkness between the boredom of nothing to do and the tiredness of doing so much. But the worst part is that no matter how much I love being an asshole, I really hate those moments. They are the paranoia trips of weed, the melting of the walls under lsd and the hangovers of drunks only, instead of disappearing after a while, they just keep piling on like plastic on a landfill that stays there forever. Waiting to jump out whenever nothing is happening.
Well this got dark really fast but it kinda feels good. Now a trivia for you all, am I such a sadist I enjoy putting myself down too, or am I so masochist I enjoy being insulted even by myself? In any case, I found something to do, so maybe next time I will open my evil heart to let you all peek inside. You just have to wait a little while, because I get bored more often than not, and right now I have only a few things to do.
Today I made another pizza, this time in a pizza mold, and let me tell you that it was way easier, but after I ate it I had nothing else to do. Boredom came and with all the special kicks in the mouth that always come with in the form of memories of the past. If for some reason you are reading this without knowing anything about me I guess I should tell you, I'm an asshole. I treat people like shit because I have realized 99% of humanity deserve it. Pride and vanity made them step on others to boost themselves in the eyes of people who do the same, all in a futile attempt to ignore the reality of of our worthlessness. But that also means that I can also be an asshole to people who don't deserve it, the special 1% of people who are just trying to get by without lying to themselves about how good they are after fucking people over. It's those moments that kind of torment my memory, hiding in the darkness between the boredom of nothing to do and the tiredness of doing so much. But the worst part is that no matter how much I love being an asshole, I really hate those moments. They are the paranoia trips of weed, the melting of the walls under lsd and the hangovers of drunks only, instead of disappearing after a while, they just keep piling on like plastic on a landfill that stays there forever. Waiting to jump out whenever nothing is happening.
Well this got dark really fast but it kinda feels good. Now a trivia for you all, am I such a sadist I enjoy putting myself down too, or am I so masochist I enjoy being insulted even by myself? In any case, I found something to do, so maybe next time I will open my evil heart to let you all peek inside. You just have to wait a little while, because I get bored more often than not, and right now I have only a few things to do.
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